It ain't me, or you. It's him.

It's our boss. The owner. The man who reminds us that he signs our checks.

He's an asshole. Indubitably. And without argument from all who do business with him (whether vendors or staff); I suspect his wife and daughters also have some issues.

As for those who make excuses for him, who apologize for him, who have known him for a long-long time -- they say this is how he he is: he's volatile, stubborn, "old school."

And, in response, I say: "WHAT!?"

By wondering, I ask, "Why?"

"Why is he so grumpy all the time, especially when we're busy and making (him & his family) money?"

"Why does he assume we're slackers and losers and a mass-collection of no-nothings -- when he either hired us or gave the green light to hire?"

"Why does he tell us - the mgmt - to call and ask for help but then help with obvious irritation - like we're all just f@ck-ups and if it weren't for his super-human, 45+ years in the biz, we'd all have gone down in flames and taken his livelihood with his." (Because the fact that we're trying to save OUR OWN livelihood doesn't register to this man.)

I work for an asshole. I wanna quit all the time. I look forward to giving in my notice: "Sayonara, Señor."

But the truth is, I love my job; I love the work I do.

One-plus-year on the job (mgmt, y'all), I've earned my spot up and down the ladder. I inch and shimmy, but I have no power; I can only change so much (which is not much at all).

But influence? I've got some of that, and I've been making some slow, steady progress. It's a long game I'm playing.

I know - despite the road-blocks - that I make a difference. If only because I am not an asshole.

Indeed, I strive to be the antidote.

I spend a lot of time patching up cuts and wounds and talking some staff "off the ledge" - i.e., not walking out on the job. I won't talk anyone out of quitting, but I do suggest that they secure another gig first. "Don't leave angry; leave classy." Don't let the bastard(s) win.

I'm still here because I need to be: steady pay, steady hours, benefits plus bonuses. Plus, I love my staff and I enjoy my role as their protector/champion.

I will hurt when I leave them (and I will leave them), but giving my notice to the asshole will be mighty gratifying.

If he asks why I'm leaving, I will tell him: "You're mean." I've tapped my limit of ugly. I can no longer stand by - muted! - while you bash the staff. You do not hear me when I do speak - you are too OLD SCHOOL.

Our people do not suck. Our people work hard. Our people have pride in their work - and in the place where they work. They want to do well. And they want our support - as mgmt and ownership.

I (anonymously) tell my resto owner - and also all resto owners - STOP SHITTING on the staff.

Honestly, we're all doing the very best we can.